There You'll Be
by Belthazor's Angel
Summary: Marissa has had enough of life in Newport and heads off for a new start in San Francisco. After 3 months of heartache Ryan goes in search of her but finds a very different Marissa. RM SS. Please review, it's my first O.C fanfic!
1. Made My Mind Up

**Letting You Go**

**Chapter 1 - Made My Mind Up**

Summer pushed open the shower door to hear a phone ringing, she was home alone so she slipped a towel around her and rushed to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sum, it's Marissa."

"Heya!"

"Um, is it okay if I come over? I want to talk to you about something."

"Yeah sure." Summer replied. "Wait! Give me five seconds I've just got out of the shower!"

Marissa laughed, a short and not exactly one and then hung up. Summer wondered what her friend wanted. She walked into her bedroom and began to get dressed.

Marissa threw the last few items into the her suitcase. It was on the middle of her bed where she had flung it earlier that morning. It was full to bursting and Marissa had to sit on it to get it zipped up. For the last week she had been thinking about things here in Newport and she decided that what she was doing was for the best. It was until now that she had become doubtful of her plans. She wondered what Summer would think, would she think she was stupid or would she just be sad about losing her best friend. Her thoughts filtered over different people and then to the person she hadn't wanted to think about - Ryan. Would he even care she wondered. He might even be happy to have her out of his life, she hadn't really made things any easier for him and he might be glad that she was going.

Marissa made a quick tour of her bedroom and bathroom making sure she hadn't left anything vital out of her suitcase. In the front pocket of her backpack was the directions for the taxi driver, details of her accomodation and job interview forms. She checked that all of them were there and then decided she'd given Summer long enough and began to make her way to her house.

Summer raced down the stairs as she heard the doorbell ring her wet hair sprayed all around her.

"Hey Coop." she said opening the door.

"Hi." replied Marissa coming into the house, her tone of voice was almost like a shy little girl and immediatly new that there was something not quite right with her friend.

"What did you want to talk about?"Summer asked leading her into the living room.

Marissa perched awkwardly on the edge of the sofa wondering how she should start.

"Um... well I've decided to move away, it's been on my mind for a while and I really want to go for it."

Summer's expression changed from one of interest to one of shock.

"You mean you want to leave Newport behind?"

Marissa nodded. "Yeah."

Summer's expression didn't change. "What about..."

"My family?" Marissa finished. "They won't care!"

"No I mean what about..." Summer still didn't finish.

"You? Sum you won't miss me that much! You've got Seth!"

Summer visibly flinched as Marissa said this, her relationship with Seth was a little rocky at the moment to say the least.

Summer said calmly. " No I mean what about Ryan?"

Marissa looked at the floor. It was the question she had wanted to avoid discussing.

Summer continued. " You can't say that he won't miss you can you Coop?"

Marissa looked up and stared Summer defiantly in the eye. "I am sure he'll be glad to see the back of me!"

Summer rolled her eyes. " Well you've at least go to go and speak to him first."  
Marissa wasn't sure she wanted to but she knew that if she didn't Summer would go and tell him herself.

"Okay." she agreed standing up. "I'll come back around later okay Sum?"

Summer nodded. "Tell me how it goes!"

Marissa smiled. "I will!"

Outside Summer's house Marissa took several deep breaths to staying her frayed nerves and began to walk to the Cohen's dreading what might happen next.

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It's my first attempt at an OC fanfic. I'd love some feedback! 


	2. Truth Be Told

**Letting You Go**

**Chapter 2 - Telling You**

At the Cohen house the doorbell and the phone both rang at the same time. Ryan and Seth were barely awake at the time.

"I'll get the phone." said Seth going into the hall.

"I guess I'm going to the door then." Ryan joked as he walked in the opposite direction. He wondered whether whoever was ringing was connected to the person at the door, before he could think this theory through he already had his hand on the door handle.

He wasn't prepared for who he saw, not at all.

"Marissa?" he asked, he was stunned for a moment.

"Hey." she spoke in a soft voice and could feel her cheeks turning pinker.

Ryan forced himself to deal with the situation.

"What can I do for you?" he asked expecting her to ask to speak to Seth. Maybe he and Summer had had a row, maybe it was her on the phone.

Ryan noticed that Marissa looked awkward and he began to feel slightly hopeful.

Eventually Marissa spoke.

"Can I come in?" she asked. "I need to talk to you."

Ryan felt slightly deflated, he hoped that Marissa had come to give him good news but he was beginning to doubt it. Her expression was grave and he wondered what could be troubling her. She couldn't be...no. Well it might be possible...no. Ryan began to wonder, was Marissa pregnant? No, well if she was it certainly couldn't be his, could it? He began to count back the months since their break up. Marissa interrupted his thoughts.

"Ryan, are you ok?"

"Me? Yeah I'm fine. Come on in."

Marissa stepped into the hallway and waited for Ryan to invite her into the living room. He sat down on his favourite chair but Marissa remained standing.

"What's up? What's bothering you?" Ryan asked, trying to remain calm but his mind was wandering. Could it be Luke? Is he back? No he couldn't be, or maybe it was Lindsay. But wait, why would Marissa care about Lindsay? Ryan stopped his train of thoughts there while Marissa began to speak.

"Um...well I've decided to move away for a while, I thought I should tell you so you can tell Seth. If Summer hasn't told him already of course." she gave a nervous laugh and paused.

Ryan was shocked but still battled on to keep his cool.

"Okay, let me get this straight...you're leaving Newport for a while and want me to tell Seth?" he stopped looking at Marissa with a confused expression on his face.

Marissa sighed, sat down on another chair and began again.

"Okay this is what I meant to say. I've decided to move out of Newport, I'm going to San Francisco for a while, just to get away and find myself."

Ryan fought hard at this point to stop him from interrupting. It sounded more like she was breaking up with him than simply moving out of town for a while. Why should he care? He realised that that was a stupid question. So he just nodded instead.

"Things have been difficult here what with my family, my luck with guys and well you. I want to move on, just for a while. I won't be gone forever. I don't why I'm telling you this because we've been over for ages and all that." Marissa came to a pause again as she noticed she was babbling.

Ryan took a few seconds to digest the information. He was never convinced that he and Marissa would ever get back together but at least he knew that she was there and he could see her everyday. If she was gone then he'd have to move on and find someone else to love.

"I can't believe you're really going." Ryan said not hiding his shock very well."I thought you were as happy as you could be."

Marissa got up and walked towards him unsure of her next move.

"Truth be told." she started. " I haven't been happy, truly happy since I lost you and I need to move on, move away."

Ryan noticed that this situation was getting too much like a trashy teen movie but it was real and it was happening.

Marissa moved towards the door and Ryan got up to follow her, trying to grasp the last few seconds he had with her.

" I still love you Ryan." she said as she walked out of the door and down the Cohen drive.

"I..." Ryan began but it was too late.

He heard footsteps behind him, it was Seth. Ryan quickly forced back the tears that were forming. He couldn't get his head around it, he had lost Marissa!

"Ryan you okay?" Seth asked looking concerned.

Ryan shrugged it off. "Who was on the phone?" he asked diverting Seth's inquiries.

"Summer." Seth said in a slightly expressionless way. "Who was at the door?" he asked in return.

"Marissa." Ryan replied.

"Marissa?" Seth asked showing some emotion. "As in Marissa Cooper?"

"Yes Seth, as in Marissa Cooper." Ryan humoured him.

"Was she here for the same reason that Summer was talking about?" he asked.

"What that she's moving away?"

"Yeah." Ryan replied.

"Sorry mate." Seth put his arm on Ryan's shoulder and shut the front door.

Summer's House :

Summer was already pacing the hallway when Marissa arrived again. She practically opened the door before her friend had pushed the bell.

"Hey again Coop." Summer smiled a little and gave her friend a hug. "How did it go with Ryan?"

"Okay." Marissa stated numbly.

"I'm gonna miss you honey." Summer said, she didn't want Marissa to go away not thinking she cared.

"I'll miss you too Sum." Marissa said returning the hug while constantly fighting against the tears that were welling up. Was what she was doing right?

**

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Well there you go, another chapter. I hope you liked it. There will be more SS next chapter and some more RM tension. Thanks for all the reviews! Luv ya!


	3. On And Off

**Letting You Go Chapter 3 On and Off**

After a tearful goodbye with Summer, Marissa headed back to her house. She still couldn't erase the doubts in her mind but she didn't want to give in now. There wasn't much left in Newport for her now and she believed that San Francisco held more hope for her.

Marissa was quite surprised at how well her encounter with Ryan had gone. She hadn't completley lost her cold or broken down and she had managed to tell him that she loved him. Marissa wondered how Ryan had taken this, she definetly hadn't wanted to hang around long enough to find out. His reaction would either crush her heart or destroy her plans for escape so she decided to leave the Cohen house and all the memories behind. It made her sad and part of her wanted to cling to the past but she also knew that she couldn't, she mustn't.

* * *

Summer shut the door slowly behind her best friend.

"Damn, I'm gonna miss her." she whispered.

Instictively Summer reached for the phone again.

"Cohen, it's Summer, do you want to meet up?" she asked.

"Would I say no?" Seth tried to lighten the atmosphere but it didn't work on either of them and he could hear that Summer was upset. "Sure." he added. "Come over as soon as you want."

Summer agreed and they both hung up.

* * *

Ryan was bewildered and not to mention confused by Marissa's speech. It was as though fate was kicking him in the butt for not patching things up with her sooner. He had tried to tell her how he felt but she had left before he could function and get the words out. What hurt Ryan the most was that Marissa would go away, maybe forever without knowing how much he loved her.

* * *

"Hey Summer." said Seth opening the door to his girlfriend.

"Hi." she replied coming inside. Seth could see that she was hurting and that she been crying. It made Seth wonder how Ryan must be feeling.

Seth knew that his relationship with Summer wasn't as amazing as it had been but losing her was more than he could cope with. Acting on impulse Seth moved towards Summer and embraced her in a huge hug. If he'd learned anything today it was to appreciate the people that he loved. Especially Summer.

Summer was pleased that Seth was showing some affection, it had been an unreal day so far and she needed some comfort. She didn't want to fight with Seth anymore, she realised that loving him was all that mattered and the fact that sometimes he was really annoying had nothing to do with it.

Seth pulled away slightly from the hug so he could look at Summer's face. She smiled at him weakly, but still it gave him some reassurance that things between them could be okay.

* * *

Marissa picked up her stuffed suitcase and began to drag it down the stairs. After a lot of pulling and stopping Marissa and the suitcase arrived in one piece in the hall. Marissa quickly gazed at her watch and decided that she needed to hurry. Pulling her phone from her denim jacket pocket she dialled the taxi service number which she had stored on the memory.

"Hi, this is Marissa Cooper...yes...in about ten minutes? That's fine...thank you." after a brief phone call Marissa lifted the heavy case and began to drag it towards the front doors. She was just about to reach up and pull the handle when she saw her mother's silhouette outside. Julie Cooper was home.

"Marissa!" she asked shocked. "Where do you think you're going?"

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This chapter was mainly SS but next chapter I'm going for some more RM. Thanks for all the reviews. 


	4. I'm Leaving Today

**_There You'll Be_ : Chapter 4 : I'm Leaving Today**

Marissa stared at her mother as she blocked her only means of escape. She coolly eyed Julie but inside she didn't feel at all in control of this situation. Julie Cooper looked at her with some surprise, first eyeing her daughter and then the suitcase on the floor.

"What is going on?" Julie asked, putting her shopping bags down on the floor and folding her arms across her chest.

Marissa said nothing but focused her eyes on the floor now, desperately wanting to be out of the house as soon as she could. Then the thought popped into her head.

"I'm going to stay with Dad for a few weeks, I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd be upset." Marissa lied, deciding that it almost sounded convincing, would Julie buy it though?

Julie raised an eyebrow and considered what her daughter had said. Finally she made her decision.

"Okay, have a nice time, ring me when you get there." Awkwardly Julie pecked her daughter on the cheek.

Marissa stood still for a moment, amazed that her mum was letting her do this. It made her feel bad for lying.

"Thanks Mom." She said and picked up the suitcase. Nothing would get in her way now.

* * *

Ryan eventually dragged himself up off his bed and walked over to his desk. His head throbbed and he noticed that he had been crying. This stopped him in his tracks. Ryan just didn't cry. Angrily now he sat down on the chair and began digging around in one of the drawers. As he found what he was looking for he pulled it out and put in on his desk. His next movement faltered as he wondered whether he really wanted to go through with it. He decided that he did want to and taking a deep breath he flipped open the cover.

* * *

Seth and Summer were entwined together on the sofa in the Roberts' living room. Seth kissed Summer gently on the lips and pulled her closer. She smiled a little letting herself be drawn to him. Summer began to feel guilty when she thought of Ryan, his heart must be breaking right now while she and Seth were enjoying themselves together. Trying to push the thoughts from her mind she snuggled closer to Seth and laid her head on his chest.

* * *

Marissa climbed into the waiting taxi outside and pulled the suitcase in after her.

"Where are we headed?" the taxi driver asked.

Marissa told him and he seemed surprised, for two reasons.

"San Francisco, I hate to say this but that is gonna cost you! And a young, pretty girl like you on the streets of San Fran doesn't sound to good. Look after yourself."

Marissa nodded in the back of the car. "Yeah, I plan to."

"Many people have said that before love. Just be careful." The taxi driver warned.

"Yes." She nodded, be slightly deterred by what the driver was saying. Marissa refused to let doubts creep in, it was even harder as they passed the Cohen house. Marissa thought about Ryan and what he was doing now. Maybe everything was the same, he was probably playing another one of those awful games that Seth seemed to love so much. She smiled thinking about Seth and then realised that she hadn't said goodbye to him. Her thoughts about the boys evaporated as she passed Summer's house. Her best friend, the person she was going to miss so much. Marissa struggled with her tears as she was transported out of Newport. She was going to miss the place even if had brought her more heartache and grief that she had thought possible.

* * *

Ryan slowly flipped through the pages of the photo album, smiling as he reminisced. The memories of the four of them, happy together all smiles and good times. Ryan ran one of his fingers over a picture of Marissa, fighting back the emotion he then closed the book and made his way back to the main house again.

* * *

The car journey was longer than Marissa expected and the driver had the radio tuned to a station playing songs that Marissa couldn't stand. She prayed that he would stop singing sometime soon. Marissa felt a surge of adrenaline and fear as the taxi driver pulled to a stop outside a block of apartments. Marissa handed over her credit card to pay the bill. As the driver handed it back he warned her to be careful again. Filled with dread mixed with anticipation she got out of the car and dragged her suitcase out behind her.

* * *

Back in Newport, Julie picked up the phone and dialled a number that was all too familiar. Jimmy's.

Jimmy picked up the phone after three rings and Julie tried to ignore whatever emotion she was feeling at hearing his voice.

"Jimmy it's Julie." She managed to get out.

"Oh, uh…Hi." He replied shocked that Julie was actually ringing him.

"I just wanted to check that Marissa arrived at your place okay."

Jimmy was confused. "Marissa?"

"Yes Jimmy, our daughter." Julie was beginning to lost patience.

"She isn't here." He said simply but he sounded confused too.

"Oh." Julie was at a lose end.

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Ooh err! Hope you liked the Chapter! Thanks for the reviews, I love to see what you think. Any advice on what to include next would be helpful. At some point I'm thinking of Ryan, Summer and Seth all going to San Francisco after Marissa.  
Please R&R! 


	5. Both Sides Now

**There You'll Be  
Chapter 5 - Both Sides Now**

_A/N :I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages! I've got my inspiration back now so I'll try to update as often as I can! Thanks for all the reviewer support, it means a lot! Ok...on with the story. It takes place three months after the last chapter and is a songfic of Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell from the Love Actually soundtrack. I do not own the song or the OC!

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_

_Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air  
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.  
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.  
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way._

Marissa tucked her now dark brown, wavy hair behind her ear as she waited at the bus stop. Part of her regretted the decision to change her hair colour but in this part of the city her blonde hair had made her stand far more than she liked. She cursed as she looked at her watch, the bus was already ten minutes late and her shift and work started soon. Back in Newport Marissa didn't worry about money so much but now she needed it and being late for work was not an option. When she looked at herself in the mirror these days Marissa barely recognised herself as the lost girl who had left her home town in search of something in the city. Three months on Marissa Cooper did not know what she had hoped to find in San Francisco. Things had become worse since she arrived and sometimes she found it hard to stop herself from breaking down and heading home. Marissa heard from Summer at least once a week and she filled her in on the gossip in Newport. She tried to be interested in her friend's conversations but it made her feel more homesick. She had mananged to speak to Seth a couple of times and he had tried to cheer her up but it made her miss him too. Ryan had not rung her since she arrived which she was glad of in a way because she didn't know what she would say if he did. Instead he sent postcards of Newport Beach and the places they went with Summer and Seth but also of the places they went to as a couple. Marissa supposed that this was to cheer her up too.

The bus finally pulled in and Marissa glared at the driver as she paid for her ticket. She didn't have time to waste on bus drivers today, especially not ones who were late.

_I've looked at clouds from both sides now,  
From up and down, and still somehow  
It's cloud illusions i recall.  
I really don't know clouds at all._

"Just get out of my face!" Summer Roberts screamed at her boyfriend, before feeling guilty.

She and Seth had become closer and more in love since Marissa left as they realised the true value of their relationship but things were going downhill again. Seth walked away from her, he realised he was doing more and more of that now. He had always been a loner and had enjoyed his own company but it hurt to be alone now. When he left Summer during a fight he felt so broken. He wondered how Ryan must be feeling. Weeks, no months, had gone by since Marissa had left. Seth knew that Ryan was still in contact with Marissa but he also knew how much Ryan was hurting over her. Seth knew for a fact that he had been on a date or even looked at another girl since.

_Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel  
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.  
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go  
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away._

Ryan turned up the volume on his CD player and pushed the headphones tighter over his ears. He hated hearing Seth and Summer fighting and it was happening more and more often now. He wanted to make them see how lucky they were to still have each other but he couldn't bring himself to say it.

Beside him a postcard lay on his bed, it showed the Golden Gate Bridge at night, the lights reflecting off the surface of the water. He relaxed his grip on the headphone and picked up the card, turning it over slowly. It had arrived that morning and was postmarked the day before. He was glad that Marissa replied to his letters and it made him happier still when he saw that she replied on postcards as well. He had already memorised the words on the card, right down to Marissa's address but he read it again. It didn't give him much idea about her life but Ryan guessed that she was okay otherwise she would have come home by now, wouldn't she?

_I've looked at love from both sides now,  
From give and take, and still somehow  
It's love's illusions i recall.  
I really don't know love at all._

Marissa unlocked the door to her flat, she hated living there, she hated everything about her new home. The hot water never worked when she wanted it to, there was no washing machine or dishwasher and the number 4 on her door was almost at the point of falling off. There was no post, but she shouldn't have expected any as she had only posted her last card to Ryan yesterday and Summer and Seth nearly always rang her. Throwing her bag onto the floor and locking the door behind her, Marissa sank heavily onto the moth eaten sofa, another part of the flat she hated. Sometimes the state of the place made her more determined to make a proper life for herself here and sometimes wallowing in her own misery was far easier. Finally gathering some energy she walked into the small bathroom and turned on both of the taps, both poured out cold water. Close to tears, Marissa pulled of her clothes and sank into the water. Cold and lonely. Exactly how she felt.

_Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,  
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.  
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say  
I've changed.  
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day._

"I'm sorry Seth." Summer said after knocking on his bedroom door.

He opened the door and smiled a smile at her.

"That's ok, I know I can be annoying. I'm sorry too."

"It's not you Seth." Summer said quietly sitting on the edge of his bed and looking around his room before focusing on him again. "It's my fault we get into these rows."

Something in her voice made Seth come closer. "Hey."He whispered, sitting next to her. "Let's forget about this, yeah?"

Summer nodded and smiled. "Yeah." She rested her head on his shoulder. "Yeah."

_I've looked at life from both sides now,  
From win and lose, and still somehow  
It's life's illusions i recall.  
I really don't know life at all._

Ryan turned off the music, why was it that every song reminded him of Marissa and all they were and all they weren't? It annoyed him sometimes but at other times it was comforting to know he wasn't alone in his emotions. He put the postcard which he had been holding for what seemed like hours on top of a pile, most of them had similar pictures. There was something in them that made Ryan want to be there to feel the atmosphere of the place. Then the thought came to him, maybe he would go. What was stopping him?


	6. Everything Burns

**There You'll Be  
Chapter 6: Everything Burns**

_She sits in her corner  
Singing herself to sleep  
Wrapped in all of the promises  
That no one seems to keep_

Marissa climbed out of the bath water and pulled a vaguely white towel around her. She was shivering and the heating hadn't come on in the flat. It was stupid she paid the bills but nothing happened and she was left to freeze and it was only the beginning of October. She dreaded thinking what it would be like when the winter came properly, December and January would be the worst. Her heart wrenched when she thought of December, that meant Chrismukkah. Memories flooded back to her, memories of winter nights with her friends, with Ryan. Happiness. Then she never would have imagined herself being here. Sometimes she still couldn't believe she was here.

_She no longer cries to herself  
No tears left to wash away  
Just diaries of empty pages  
Feelings gone astray  
But she will sing..._

"Ryan?" Summer called out. " Ryan have you seen Seth today?" After another pause with no reply Summer gave up. Then she saw the incoming call on her phone.  
"Seth?"  
"Hi hun, it's me." Seth began before getting to the point. "Have you seen Ryan today?"  
"No." Summer replied. "I thought he was here with you, I'm at your house but there's not sign of anybody."  
"Oh."  
"What aren't you telling me?" She asked her boyfriend.  
"I'll meet you it'll be easier to explain okay? Love you." Seth hung up leaving Summer opened mouthed, well at least things were okay for them now.

_Everything burns  
While everyone screams  
Burning their lies  
Burning my dreams  
All of this hate  
And all of this pain  
I'll burn it all down  
As my anger reigns  
Til everything burns_

Ryan didn't know what he had been thinking of but whatever it was had been a stupid idea anyway. He cursed as the traffic still did not moved, he had a CD playing and the lyrics were doing nothing to help with his mood. This had been one of his favourite songs but now it seemed all too real. He had been an idiot to try and chase after Marissa and it clearly wasn't meant to be otherwise he wouldn't be stuck in a traffic jam that seemed endless. His phone was ringing now and he picked it up. It was Seth. He must have guessed how serious he was when he had confided in him about wanting to go and see Marissa. That meant that Summer knew as well, it was more than likely anyway.  
Frustration getting the better of him, Ryan manoeuvered his car out of the line of traffic and headed for a spot where he could park. Picking up the phone he did not wait for anything to be said.  
"I'm coming home." He said angrily, leaving Seth and Summer guessing about why at the other end.

_Walking through life unnoticed  
Knowing that no one cares  
Too consumed in their masquerade  
No one sees her there  
And still she sings..._

Pulling burnt cheese on toast from the small oven and throwing the hot food on to a plate, Marissa curled up in the corner of the sofa. She wondered if it was safe to eat whilst be sat on it seeing as it seemed to be some kind of health hazard. The food tasted all wrong too, Marissa wondered what was happening to her. She felt like she was changing by the day, he hair colour had only been the start. She was eating well either and her boss was forcing her to take a lunch break and even offered to give her money for it. Marissa's job wasn't a bad as she thought it might be. All that time ago when the taxi driver had left her here he had warned her about taking care of herself. Her imagination had run away with her at that moment but she had a fairly good job now.

Marissa picked up a china mug from the floor beside the sofa and took a sip before thinking about it. In disgust she spat the drink back into the mug. Cold tea and burnt toast. She could think of better things to eat.

_Everything burns  
While everyone screams  
Burning their lies  
Burning my dreams  
All of this hate  
And all of this pain  
I'll burn it all down  
As my anger reigns  
Til everything burns_

Summer and Seth waited for Ryan's arrival without much hope. Either he hadn't got as far as San Francisco or Marissa had sent him away. They couldn't decide which they would rather deal with. They sat on the floor in Seth's bedroom, he had managed to tempt Summer into playing a computer game with her but that had only lasted a few minutes.

"I'm so worried about what he's going to say." Summer said finally, voicing both of their anxieties.

"I'm sure she'll be fine, Marissa's tough and Ryan will get over this sometime...or other." Seth tried to reassure her, he was surprised when she laughed at him. "What?"

"Nothing." Summer said as her burst of laughter subsided. "Sorry. It's just you're so funny when you're being sincere."

"Great." Seth replied but he couldn't help smiling. The atmosphere had been so tense that it was good that Summer was having a moment of happiness. "You're beautiful." He whispered not intending it to actually come out.

Summer smiled and came closer, wrapping her arms around his neck. "We'll get through this, I know we will."

Seth pulled her nearer. "Of course we will." They let the moment hang and left the fears from moments before for later.

Til everything burns  
Everything burns  
(Everything burns)  
Everything burns  
Watching it all fade away  
(All fade away)

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I thought I'd post the next chapter and I hope you like it! Things are gonna get really interesting in the next few chapters. Thank you for all of your reviews!  
I do not the OC or the song 'Everything Burns' by Ben Moody and Anastacia,

Please read and review! Luv ya all! xxx


	7. Angel On Fire

**There You'll Be  
Chapter 7: Angel On Fire**

She stands on her suitcase  
And looks out her window at me.  
The smile leaves her face,  
The mirror don't like what it sees.  
So she hides all her secrets.  
She's thinking I'll never know  
That she burns like an angel  
Into her fire she goes.  
She don't miss nothing  
Even though she pretends she don't see  
Everything she's "watching

Ryan arrived back several hours later and Summer and Seth ran to meet, anxious to hear the news. Ryan sat down on a chair and told them the news that he had not even managed to get to San Francisco let alone find Marissa.

"Maybe it's just fate telling me to stay away." Ryan mumbled.

"You can't think like that." Summer said adamant that Ryan and Marissa weren't meant to be even three months on.

Seth agreed with her. "Come on, it was just bad luck.You two are supposed to be together."

"I'm not so sure." Said Ryan still not convinced.

The idea suddenly came to Summer. "Hey, why don't we all go. You, me and Seth?"

Seth agreed with this too. Yeah, why not?"

"I don't know." Ryan replied. "We could try."

"Okay. When do we want to go?" Summer asked, refusing to give up the idea now.

She puts her hand next to me  
She says give me one reason  
Why I should be here again.  
But then she blows out the candle  
And shows me the reason again.

Marissa threw away what was left of her meal and put some clothes on instead of her pyjamas and dressing gown. She didn't know where she was going or why but she wanted to get out of the flat for a bit. Standing in front of the mirror in her bedroom, she looked at herself. Her cheeks bones had never stuck out that much before, neither had her ribs. Marissa had always been slim but never like this. It scared her. She had dark rings under eyes and her dark brown hair was fading to a mousey brown. If anyone from Newport saw her now they would barely recognised her. Since arriving in San Francisco Marissa hadn't bought any new clothes, she couldn't afford it. She rummaged through her suitcase they acted as a wardrobe now and dug out a knee length black skirt and a red halter top. Clothes she had had no cause to wear since arriving here. She looked at herself again and decided that it would have to do. Picking up her handbag she left the flat.

Cause she loves like an angel  
She burns like an angel on fire  
On fire

Seth was at Summer's house watching as she stuffed items of clothing into a large suitcase.

"We're only going for a week Summer." He complained.

"Exactly!" Summer replied and Seth rolled his eyes. His own suitcase was already in Ryan's car and they were planning to leave the next morning.

"Do you think Ryan and Marissa will get back together?" Seth asked deciding to leave the suitcase conversation alone.

Summer seemed to think this one over and she rummaged for some shoes. Appearing again with a pair of sandal and throwing them into the case she replied. "I don't know, we don't know how much Marissa has changed, we only speak to her once a week, who knows what her life is like now."

"Do you think Ryan's setting himself up to get hurt?"

Summer shrugged. "I don't know. He loves her, I'm guessing she still loves him. Maybe it'll help him to get over her."

"Maybe that's what he needs." Seth mused. "Closure."

After the movie,  
She walks in the park with a friend.  
She tells it to her straight.  
He don't mean nothing to me.  
She says I can't believe him  
If I gave him enough rope he'd hang me.  
But when she turns to him  
There's no place she'd rather be.

Marissa was beginning to get to know the city quite well now and from work she was finding out about different places to visit. Stepping out of her apartment block she walked around the corner and then realised how cold it had become. Rubbing her bare arms she thought about going back for a jacket but she dismissed it, the thought of going back to the flat wasn't very welcoming.

The streets were busy with groups of people, most were tourists but some were locals. Marissa crossed the street in search of certain bar that she had heard of but had never been too. Pushing open the door she entered the warm bar. Feeling herself thaw out she asked for an alcoholic drink although she knew she couldn't afford it and she hadn't had much to eat that day.

"You waiting for someone?" The guy behind the bar asked as he handed her the glass.

Marissa shook her head, feeling lonely until he smiled and let himself out from behind the bar.

"I'm due a break anyway." He grinned holding out his hand. "I'm Jamie."

"Hi." Marissa replied shyly, it had been a long time since a guy had taken an interest in her. "I'm Marissa."

Jamie signalled towards the other barman and he passed him a glass of beer. Jamie clinked his glass against Marissa's.

"I'm guessing with that accent you're not from around here." He said conversationally.

"No, I'm from Newport. Moved down here a few months ago."

Jamie nodded. "How are you liking it?"

Marissa barely heard the question as someone turned the music up and bass drowned them out.

Cause she burns like an angel.  
She burns like an angel on fire.

"Do you want to go somewhere a bit quieter?" Jamie asked over the music.

Marissa nodded and the barman lead her through to one of the empty function rooms at the back of the bar.

She put her drink down on one of the tables, she was already feeling the alcohol rush to her head and she was feeling dizzy.

"What brought you here?" Jamie asked.

"Stuff at home." Marissa replied, not wanting to talk about it, especially with a stranger.

"Ah right."

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, Marissa fiddled with the hem of her top and Jamie down some of his beer. Taking another sip from her drink, Marissa asked Jamie some questions.

"Do you like here then? In San Francisco?"

He nodded. "Yeah, born and bred here."

Marissa nodded too and without warning Jamie kissed her. For a moment Marissa was shocked, almost repulsed. After a while she got into the swing of things and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jamie suddenly let go.

"Jamie, you're break ended ten minutes ago." The older barman said coming into the room. He was clearly angry.

"Sorry, sir." He apologised. "Meet you after? Okay?" He said to Marissa. She nodded shame burning her cheeks.

Jamie went back to work and Marissa sat on one of the bar stools. An hour or so later when Jamie finished his shift they went outside together.

"Do you want a lift?" He asked her.

"Please." Marissa replied, it was even colder and darker.

Once at her flat Marissa apologised about the state of the place but Jamie didn't seem to mind. They kissed again, this time more passionatley. Marissa blocked out all others thoughts or right and wrong imagining that Ryan was here with her now.

And she's stuck  
When she comes on so hot.  
And you have never felt  
A heavenly slow burn.  
I'm so hot,  
When I leave her cold,  
Frying in her room  
Like angels always do.  
And did you really think I loved you  
Just cause I said so?

"You ready?" Ryan asked as Seth and Summer forced her suitcase between the other two in the boot. Seth came around and sat in the front so he could navigate and Summer spread out on the back seat.

"Yep." They chorused and Ryan started the engine.

Not too many wrong turns and a few hours later they pulled up in a space as close to Marissa's apartment as possible.

"Right." Ryan exhaled.

"Do we all go in at once?" Seth asked.

"I think I should go." Summer said from the back seat.

"No." Ryan stopped them. "I'll go."

He got out of the car, having no idea what he would find.

Butterflies "shiver"  
She learns all the things that I've known.  
She's thinking her diary  
Convincing her words as she goes.  
She says heaven forgive me  
Am I going to pay for my sins?  
Cause she burns like an angel  
Everytime she lets me in.

Ryan banged on the door to number for and waited. Marissa eventually opened the door, she was dressed in a dressing gown even though it was nearly mid afternoon.  
"Ryan?" She asked wide eye.  
Ryan looked at her in amazement and shock as he heard another voice.  
"Babe, who is it?" Jamie asked.

* * *

Disclaimer : I do not own the the song 'Angel on Fire' by Chris Cornell!  
Sorry that was a cruel place to leave it! Thanks so much for all the reviewer support! I'll update again soon!

Love ya x


	8. Blind

**There You'll Be  
Chapter 8: Blind**

_I was young but I wasn't naive  
I watched helpless  
As you turned around to leave  
And still I have the pain I have to carry  
A past so deep  
That even you could not bury if you tried_

Marissa had never felt more like crying in her life. Everything was going wrong. For a start she didn't even want Jamie there and she didn't want Ryan to think badly of her. Quickly turning to Jamie she whispered.

"It's an old friend won't be long."

Reappearing in the doorway Marissa spoke gently to Ryan.

"I'm sorry about this, could you come back later...there's something I need to sort out." She could barely look at him without seeing the pain in hide eyes.

Not trusting himself to speak Ryan nodded dumbly.

"I'm really sorry."

Ryan nodded again and swallowed. "Summer and Seth are here too."

Marissa's eyes visibly lit up. "Really?"

Ryan nodded. "Uh huh."

"I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

Marissa shut the door and took a deep breath. What a mess she had got herself into.

_After all this time  
I never thought we'd be here  
never thought we'd be here  
when my love for you is blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more  
Than you'll ever know  
And part of me died  
When I let you go_

Ryan walked slowly back to his car, hating himself for not coming sooner, for not making sure Marissa knew how he felt. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been in letting her go. He didn't want to face Seth and Summer right now but he knew he had to otherwise they would worry. He opened the driver's door and sank into the seat. Summer and Seth knew something was wrong immediatly.

"What's wrong?" Summer asked.

"Is Marissa alright?" Seth asked at the same time.

"She's fine." Ryan replied.

"Oh." Summer was partly relieved. "So what's wrong with you?"

"Sum." Seth hissed, sensing that this was not the time.

"She's with another bloke in there okay." Ryan snapped.

"Oh." Summer replied. "I'm sorry." She meant it too,

" I know. She wants us to go back there later apparently." Ryan replied using his normal tone.

"Really?" Seth asked. "Has she changed much."

"Umm..." Ryan stopped. "She's got brown hair now but apart from that no, except the weight issue. She looks like a rake."

"Really?" Summer was anxious for her friend now. "Did she look healthy?"

"Well...yeah." Ryan replied.

"Anyone else get the feeling this afternoon is gonna go really slowly?" Seth asked.

"Shut up Seth." Ryan and Summer said at the same time.

"Come on let's get some food."

They pulled away from the parking space, Marissa watched them go from the window her heart breaking.

_I would fall asleep  
Only in hopes of dreaming  
That everything  
Would be like it was before  
But nights like this  
It seems are slowly fleeting  
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor_

Marissa went back into her bedroom, Jamie was getting dressed sensing that he had outstayed his welcome.

"I'm sorry." She said. "Things are complicated."

Jamie nodded and turned to face her. "Can I ask one question? Do you still love him?"

Marissa looked at him. "I don't know."

Jamie shrugged. "If he came all the way here just to see you, I'd stay he still loves you. I'm sorry if I've made this more difficult for you guys."

"That's okay."Marissa replied trying to smile, she hugged him."If it's any consellation you've been a great mate."

Jamie smiled. "Thanks. I hope it goes okay with him and you know where I'll be if you need me."

Marissa smiled and they hugged again. "See ya."

With that Jamie left and Marissa felt empty inside all over again, not to mention guilty too.

_After all this time  
I never thought we'd be here  
never thought we'd be here  
when my love for you is blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more  
Than you'll ever know  
And part of me died  
When I let you go_

After eating at one of the cafe's in the city Ryan drove the three of them back and they parked in the same space.

"Shall we all go up this time?" Summer asked.

"Yeah, I think it's for the best." Ryan replied.

They got out of the car and headed up the stairs.

"This place is a dump." Summer commented in disgust.

"Ssh." Seth hissed under his breath.

This time Summer knocked on the door and waited for an answer. When Marissa answered she was dressed wearing a long denim skirt and a white sleeveless top, she looked more like the old Marissa. The first thing Summer noticed after her hair was how skinny she had become, you could see her ribs through her cotton top. She stepped forward and hugged her best friend, Seth did the same as they passed her and went inside and out of Ryan and Marissa's way.

"Sorry about earlier, I really am." Marissa apologised trying to meet his eyes.

"It's okay, don't worry about it."Ryan replied.

"I just want you to know." She paused making sure Summer and Seth were out of earshot. "He's not my boyfriend, I've only known him a few days."

Ryan nodded. "'Kay." Not sure if he was entirely convinced, he didn't have time to be as Marissa enveloped him in a hug.

_After all this while  
Would you ever wanna leave  
Maybe you could not believe it  
That my love for you is blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more  
Than you will ever know  
And part of me died  
When I let you go  
That I loved you more  
Than you will ever know  
And part of me died  
When I let you go_

* * *

_I do not own the OC or the song 'Blind' by Lifehouse._

_Thank you for all your reviews and thanks for sticking with the story. I'm sorry about the end of the last chapter, hope you preferred this one! I'll update soon!_

_Take care!  
Belthazors Angel x_


	9. Guilty

**There You'll Be  
Chapter 9: Guilty  
**Disclaimer - I do not own the O.C or the song Guilty by the Rasmus.

_I feel guilty _

_My words are empty_

_No signs to give you_

_I don't have the time for you_

Marissa, Summer, Seth and Ryan arranged themselves on the sofa in the living room of the flat. Summer tried hard not to be disgusted by Marissa's new home. Ryan left the conversation to the other three and allowed his thoughts to wander. He went over the last few minutes and back to when they had arrived. Seeing Marissa with another guy tore him apart although he knew it had to happen sooner or later.

_You say I'm heartless_

_And you say I don't care_

_I used to be there for you_

_And you've said I seem so dead_

_That I have changed_

_But so have you_

After hugging her friend again, Summer dragged Seth away leaving Marissa and Ryan alone. Out in the corridor Seth hissed at Summer.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Sum? Are you completely blind? You could have cut the tension in there with a knife!"

Summer tried to control herself but she felt close to exploding.

"Cohen, if you failed to notice they love each other. They need each other. You can see the state that Marissa is in and how low Ryan has been since she left."

"Fine." Seth sighed. "But I've still got a bad feeling about this."

Summer exhaled loudly "That's your problem, you've always got to have a bad feeling about something."

"What?" He exclaimed, Summer had turned her back on him.

"You're just so negative Cohen."

"Well I'm sorry…"Seth began. "What have I got to be positive about?" He regretted it immediately.

Summer spun round to face him, hurt in her eyes.

"You have me." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"I know." Seth replied, trying to take her hand. She pushed it away, tears filling her eyes now.

_Guilty, guilty_

_I feel so _

_Empty, empty_

_You know how to make me feel_

Alone in the living room with Ryan, Marissa fought against feeling uncomfortable. This wasn't how this should be, not with Ryan. Part of her was glad that Summer and Seth had gone but part of her wished they would come back. Every time she looked at Ryan he avoided her gaze and Marissa was beginning to realise how much she had hurt him. The timing with Jamie could not have been any worse if they had tried. She wanted to tell Ryan how she felt but she had done that once before and knew she wasn't strong enough to deal with his rejection now.

_I put a shield upon you_

_Didn't mean to hurt you_

_I would have only poisoned your mind._

_Never meant to make you cry._

"Summer, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that, it just…it just came out."

She glared at him, fighting against her tears.

"If you didn't mean it then why did it come out, hey?" She asked.

"It's been such an emotional day, I don't know what I'm thinking." Seth replied.

"That's your excuse is it? You've got to go and blame Marissa and Ryan for all this, haven't you?"

"No wait, Sum…" Seth tried again to explain again but he could feel her slipping away from him.

"Forget it, Cohen yeah?" Summer replied. "Save it."

_You've been so thoughtless_

_I can see straight through you_

_You used to be there for me_

_So don't you leave and say goodbye_

'_Cause you have changed_

_But so have I._

"So…" Marissa began trying to make conversation but it was difficult. At the sound of her voice after the silence between them had taken over, Ryan almost visibly changed.

"How are you liking San Francisco? I never knew you really wanted to come here."

Marissa smiled as she eased herself into the conversation. "No I'd never really thought about it but I guess it just appealed to me. I'm really starting to like it."

"It's very different to Newport." Ryan commented.

"C'mon I want to show you something." Marissa replied.

Ryan nodded and let her drag him out of the flat.

_I never thought the time_

_And the distance between us_

_Made you so much colder_

_I'll carry the world on my shoulders._

* * *

Thanks for all the reviews, it means so much to me! Hope you are liking the story so far. I'd love to know what you think! Please review me I'll return the favour! 

Belthazor's Angel


	10. Back Home

**There You'll Be  
****Chapter 10 - Back Home**

Disclaimer - I do not own the O.C or the song Back Home by Yellowcard. All of the places are fictional because I have never been to San Francisco.

_Don't know what I was looking for when I went home,  
I found me alone  
And sometimes I need someone to say, "  
You'll be all right. What's on your mind?"  
But the water's shallow here and I am full of fear  
and empty handed after two long years_

Ryan let Marissa lead him through the tangled maze on people crowded in the streets. Hr was puzzled but assumed that Marissa was in control of the situation. A few minutes later Ryan found himself on a quieter streetcorner and Marissa turned and smiled at him forgetting for a moment all that had happened between them. Ryan tried not to let the moment carry him away because it would only be more painful when things returned to normal once more. It was like he and Marissa were living their lives on the fine line between reality and fiction at this moment.

_Another sunny day in Californ-i-a  
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it  
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away  
Before you get a chance to feel it  
_

The beach was beautiful; the waves lapped over the warm sand and the sun dazzled the sea. It was Marissa's favourite place to go in the city for two reasons. One was it's breath taking beauty and the fact that you could so easily escape from the busy city but the main reason was how much it reminded her of Newport. Ryan saw this too and felt a rush of an almost alien emotion which threatened to overcome him. For a moment he couldn't look at Marissa, things were just too complicated now.

_Back home I always thought I wanted so much more, now I'm not too sure  
Cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me and feeling free  
Free to stand beside the ocean in moonlight  
And light myself a smoke beneath the dark Atlantic sky_

"I love this place." Marissa said when she was able to trust herself to speak. Her voice was carried off by the wind by Ryan heard her and agreed.  
"It reminds me of home." She continued folding her arms close around her body. Ryan fought against the urge to wrap her arms around Marissa. He knew it would not help matters and would probably make them worse.  
"You could come back you know?" Ryan said quietly, almost testing his words as he said them.  
"My mother hates me for lying to her and leaving and I can only imagine what people have been saying about me."  
Ryan didn't know how to reply as most of what Marissa had said was true and he couldn't deny her of the truth. He knew that by now.

"Summer and Seth want you to come home, Summer's missed you so much."

Marissa turned to face him. "Yeah."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah." He paused, turning slightly to the side to face the sea. "And me."

_Another sunny day in Californ-i-a  
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it  
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away  
Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it  
Everybody here is living life in fear of falling out of line  
Tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hearts just to pass the time  
And the eyes get red in the back of your head, this place will make you blind  
Put it all behind me and I'll be just fine  
_

Marissa smiled wistfully and forced back her tears as they formed. It meant so much just to hear those words. It made her long to be back in Newport not this place that she had adopted as her home. She had no memories here.

"I can't go back though Ryan." She said letting her gaze follow his out to sea. "Not now."

Ryan looked hurt, and she felt guilty. "Why not?"

She didn't have the answer. "I need to start over."

Ryan looked at her. "I understand that, but surely not here,not alone."

Marissa met his eyes. "I can't hurt anybody else this way."

Ryan said nothing but the look in his eyes said it all. Yes you can. He locked eyes with Marissa and began to walk away.

"Where are you going?" To anyone who didn't know her the change in her voice was unnoticable but Ryan knew it well, it was caused by panic.

"Back." He said simply, stopping.

"Oh." She replied. "Good luck." She said although it felt inadequate.

"What about you?" Ryan asked. Marissa shrugged.

Feeling a little bit impatient Ryan began to walk away from her again.

"Ryan!" She shouted, running towards him, clearly upset.

"Yes?" He asked.

"You know what you said about starting over?"

He nodded.

"Well can't we start over here, together?" She asked.

_Another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky  
Sometimes I wish that it would rain here  
And wash away the west coast dreaming from my eyes  
There's nothing real for them to see here_

Ryan and Marissa walked the length of the beach together, Ryan was deep in thought. There wasn't really anything that he'd really miss from Newport. Marissa had been the best part of his life there but he thought about the Cohens and Seth and Summer. He couldn't just walk away from them after all they had done. He wished he could make Marissa see how much easier things would be if she came back with him. From the looks of things her life he didn't seem to be going brilliantly and she looked like she needed her friends around her.

"I don't know." Ryan said after some silence. "I don't know what to say."

Marissa nodded, she knew she couldn't ask him to give up everything for her which was part of the reason why she moved her after all.

"I love you." He paused, searching for Marissa reaction but she was looking at the ground. "But it wouldn't work here. I'm sorry."

_Another starry night in Californ-i-a  
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it  
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away  
Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it  
_

_

* * *

_Sorry I haven't updated this fan fic for a little while! But here you go another chapter! Hope you enjoy it, more to come soon but I've got exams coming up! Thanks for all you reviews especially on And Then There's You!

Please R&R 'cause I'd like to know what you think and any ideas you might have.

luv Belthazor's Angel


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